BuLLetPrOoF

Breaking point.
Tipping point.
Choking point.
Fancy words for the same boundary or limitation, depending on how you view it.
Everybody has one. Unique and similar all at the same time.
You have yours and I have mines.

But how much are you willing to take?

Ever since we were little kids, we learned (directly or indirectly) words like "enough", "no more", and "fed up".

If we offered a friend some of our newly opened bag of potato chips, and the friend gets a bit heavy handed and takes too much, we shout "that's enough" because they have gone past the limit of what we thought they should. However, we never told them how much they can take. We just expected that they would consider the giver of the salty snack would like to have some as well.

If we have a hard day managing the children at home with all the teen angst, attitudes, and the drama that normally ensues on a weekly basis, we declare publicly that we are fed up and we look for an escape wherever we can find one. A local library, the nearest watering hole, or just behind a closed and locked door for a short respite.

We look at life, maybe with some entitlement, and openly declare how much we will take and how much we will stand. If someone pushes you past your daily tolerance and you haven't had your coffee, God help them all, right? A recent experience caused me to ask myself if I am the best person to determine these limitations and set these boundaries.

I'm a management professional, which essentially entails managing multiple employees and taking bullets for upper management. Recently, I had to issue corrective actions for an employee who was liberal with the attendance policy in a way that the company deemed excessive and irresponsible. I extended myself much to aid this employee and keep them informed every step of their learning curve with the company. But every good grace went out of the window when I had to have that conversation. Essentially, all I really did was act as the "messenger" for a directive that came from far above my station. Some could call me a tool or an errand boy but I was just a member of management following a directive and enforcing a company mandated rule. Well, in delivering that message that day, even though sprinkled with grace, I sustained heavy gunfire. I was slowed and endured a small amount of pain, largely because I had on my "bulletproof vest". That vest was my capacity to remain internally grounded, despite the external situation. My mind was racing and my emotions were rising but I kept the focus on the reason for the meeting, the intended message that needed to be sent, and the proposed direction going forward. I went into the discussion understanding my position but it was still difficult because all of the ire and rage was aimed at the messenger. The decisions were not mines but I did carry them out and I was placed on the line of fire. That's the job of a manager, I guess. What if I set the boundaries of what I would take and endure from an employee too rigidly? I probably would have lost my job right there in that room. What if I set the limitations with too much liberality? I could have been facing a two hour conversation and creating alibis and trying to keep the proverbial peace, resembling a toothless lion or a spineless jellyfish.

How much are you willing to take? We're not bulletproof. We are going to go through stuff in life and it will hurt us. It will slow us down on the path to destiny. It will make us rethink things and even perhaps make us want to chuck it all and run and hide. We would love to set the comfort levels to an acceptable range, wouldn't you? But can you guarantee you would grow to your necessary capacity? If we were in charge of our own growth, would we grow? Would we be effective? Would we learn anything about ourselves that would stimulate personal change? Did that very uncomfortable conversation make me stronger or did it further tear at an already frayed emotional fabric? I guess the bottom line for me is that we got to go through things. Emphasis on the phrase "go through". Speaking for myself personally, it was best for me that I learned how to endure no matter how long or how hard things might be. We're all faced with the possibility of being a "messenger". Keep your vest on at all times.

Breaking point.
Tipping point.
Choking point.
Everybody has one.
You have yours and I have mines.