ResT iN pEAce, MiCHaEL

This young man was what I would call an "old soul". 

It was extremely astounding to watch someone who could have easily been another statistic in a neighborhood that is known to swallow hopes and dreams whole come out alive but he did.

There was nothing fair about his life but I don't recall him complaining all the years that I have known him.

He said hello to people in a city that was notorious for being grumpy, closed off, and not at all friendly. He kept smiling and kept offering the biggest hugs to anyone who wanted one. He was trusting when there was no outward reason to be. He was eager to please and very motivated to receive affection and approval from others. The best description I can use for Michael is that he was "everybody's best friend". It wasn't until now that I asked myself why.

It was the one thing I never truly understood about him. I grew up with him in some of the roughest parts of the old neighborhood. Wherever I was, he was. We were as close as two people could be and that afforded me the opportunity to see some things I never noticed before. In some significant way hidden from the view of the onlooker, he was broken. I didn't know how or where it happened at the time but he was. He was literally taking his broken pieces with him everywhere he went. He covered contempt, anger, rage, low self esteem, and doubt with a smile and a hug. I don't want to speak for him but I think he tried to love all the ugliness in the world away with a hug. I think he hoped that would make him feel better in the process. 

Then the news came that his father died suddenly alone in his home. His daughter found him. It was a pity that Michael didn't know him well no matter how hard he tried. But Michael loved him and chased after him with a reckless abandon. Guess they call that in poetic circles "unrequited love". But that's when I saw it. The sole reason why Michael did everything he did and acted the way that he did that defied logic and reasoning. There it was, all laid out on a silver platter for all the world to see. There was a huge hole in his heart and he was trying feverishly and desperately to fill it. When his father died, not even three days later, Michael expired too. There was nothing to rally for or against. He ceased to exist because his whole life up to that point was merely a game of chasing shadows. He died chasing someone who either didn't love him or, at least, was unable to express that love in any tangible way. That was the legacy of his life. A sad and incomplete ending to what could have been an incredible comeback story.

But Michael is gone. Perhaps he never found the right "world" for what he had inside him. The world he lived in just didn't understand his way and his level of affection. It was too much, deemed unnecessary, or met with skepticism in the world he lived in. I am going to miss a lot of things about him but I am glad he's at peace. If I can be honest, the only reason he was here at all was to shine a light on a larger problem myself and others might not have seen: what it looks like when a father's love is missing from a son's life.

A lot of people, that didn't appreciate your hugs, your encouraging words, your poems, your songs, that big laugh, how freely you gave to others, and that big infectious smile then, will probably miss it now. You were living in an era totally unprepared for your special gift. Rest in peace, Michael. The world is full of sons just like you. Unfortunately.