Where do I start? I can't lie. We have had some amazing times together. It has been twelve years that you and I have been joined at the hip. I know you can sense it too. Something definitely has changed recently. I had a lot to think about.
2018 has been a year that has been different than any of the twelve years prior. I used to rise up at 4 a.m. and grab my laptop to get a jump on my league opponents on the waiver wires and free agency. I would listen to sports radio all day and almost have my cell phone glued to my hand, waiting for the next update or piece of sports gossip that might give me an edge over everyone else. Then I would be up into the wee hours of the morning in a dark room, staring at my laptop, combing through depth charts, team pages, and articles by so called fantasy experts, hoping to find the next sleeper, who will take me to another championship run. I honestly barely paid my wife and kids any attention. I was lost in a sea of statistics. Strangely, I became satisfied with that.
My fantasy football leagues shot up from two to ten total in my second year and threatened to go even higher. I used to laugh and criticize my buddies who had twenty leagues. One guy I know still has twenty two leagues. I never understood how that could be managed and maintained. It can't be without a great deal of sacrifice. I laid many important things on that altar of sacrifice. I cut important phone calls short and blew off critical appointments just to stay locked in to a sport that had my whole life in a vise grip. I couldn't even go to the supermarket to get groceries because I was worried about setting my roster or checking the injury reports. Even to this day, my head is a sea of useless statistical information that doesn't amount to much more than making me sound knowledgeable. Other than that, it has no true intrinsic value.
I played this "game" with my entire self and in twelve years, I have won 5 championships, went to 2 title games and lost, and have been in the playoffs 9 of the 12 times in every kind of fantasy league from Two-Quarterback leagues, Auction leagues, Standard, PPR, All Defense league (or IDP), 8, 10, 12, 14, and 16 team leagues, in practically any kind of format you can imagine. You name it and I have played it with a 75% success rate. All of the study, research, and invested time paid off but at what cost? An impassioned plea from my wife made me step back and look at myself a little closer. I was sitting in front of a 70" TV cheering for the Patriots, the Eagles, or even our dreaded rivals, the Cowboys. I leaped out of my seat for individual players that were scoring against my favorite team. It was clear to me that I have went off the rails. Football stopped being fun for me and the whole process got weird.
I never understood why so many of my friends got out of the game entirely and say they are totally enjoying the freedom from the pressure of fantasy football. They are just enjoying the sport they love more than any other. It was hard to fathom. I thought they were nuts. I went from 10 leagues in 2010 down to 5 in 2013 to 3 leagues in 2016. Last year, I played in 2 due to a self imposed maximum limit. This year, I don't have a fantasy football league in waiting. I am still get phone calls and text messages and IM's asking for fantasy advice and that's cool. It humbles me that people even ask after all these years. I can't help wonder if I'll even field a fantasy football team at all this year.
To be honest and transparent, I still think one day I could have one fantasy football league with longevity, full of friends that I actually know and that actually love football as much as I do. I believe that is the best kind of league. It transcends the sport and puts friendship back in proper perspective. There's a good chance I may never find that dream situation and that's fine. I miss what it is like to just enjoy my favorite sport with no strings attached. I write this letter not totally sure if I will ever play again. I know everybody opines about how great they are at this game but I was really good at it. I still am good at it. I had a knack for making the right moves, the right trades, the right waiver wire pickups, and even knowing when to fold and not make any deals. It's something I did well but it changed me somewhere along the way.
In my humble opinion, if you play more than two fantasy leagues, you not only stretch yourself too thin but I believe you begin to lose respect for the process and the point of the whole game. If you're playing it for financial reasons, you are doing it wrong. You're better off playing the lottery. How fun can it be to have ten leagues and lose a twenty dollar investment in each league? Think about it. That could be a problem.
I'm not sure what this football season will hold and if I will ever find that dream situation or accept it once I find it but I do know one thing: This is one obsession that no longer has control over me. 2017 was the first year that I just had fun. I had two leagues but it never took precedence over the important things. I had my priorities in order and it felt wonderful. I was free in my mind for the first time in years. I could stop playing fantasy football for good but I wouldn't trade the friendships I developed. That was the best part.
Fantasy football taught me a lot of hard lessons. Maybe now I'm liberated enough to teach someone else.
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