I have known many cases of domestic violence and spousal abuse in so many different forms but ultimately it's destructive to souls from generation to generation. Men and women who don't appreciate what's good in their lives and how blessed they are. They destroy it with reckless abandon and don't realize the extent of the damage their actions or their words do. Those are the extreme, less than subtle cases that make us gasp in horror and well it should. Those are the instances that sicken us and prompt us to act on behalf of what is right.
What's understated in our times are the good men that sacrifice everything for their families, not giving in to public perception or to the media's view of the father. Amazingly, not only does the world at large diminish and mischaracterize these, that disrespect and mockery exists in their own households. It's one thing to go out and face a world that doesn't support and encourage you. It's quite another to not get that support and encouragement from home either. The occasional "I love you" and "I'm proud of you" pales in comparison to the bevy of insults and frequent emasculation.
What few of us realize is that broken people just begat more broken people. We teach our kids to disrespect, mishandle, and show disregard for what we don't know how to appreciate. We say it was only a joke but only one person is laughing. The other is slowly dying inside, wondering what they did to deserve such a sharp assault. I'm heartbroken. I've seen this so many times and I still see it regularly today.
Every day one's faults are being dragged out in public places and that same one is supposed to hold their heads up and "be a man". They're supposed to do better. They're supposed to do more. They're being asked to fill a void and an emptiness that only God can fill. They're taking blows and shots in an impossible task. I have seen plenty of rotten men who forsake family, dishonor their parents, and have done unspeakable things. They are all over the news most nights or in your local paper but the unsung heroes that, although not perfect in any way, shape, or form, are daily striving to get it right. What good is a Fathers Day gift when he has insults, mockery, and disrespect levied against him the rest of the year? It's an empty gesture and a futile exercise.
They should be celebrated, not because they don't abuse their spouses, but because they are tackling tremendous odds and those odds are not in their favor. Their only solace and safe haven from a hellish day is their home. Sometimes that's when their day gets worse. The old saying that "a good man is hard to find " may be easier than you think. They're construction workers, ministers, teachers, police officers, doctors, city officials, fathers, grandfathers, uncles, nephews, brothers, and sons. What we see as "good" is determined by the lens we see life through. Maybe it depends on whether your natural father was "good". Maybe it is based on what your mother taught you "good" was from her perspective. Maybe you learn "good" from your favorite romance novel. Maybe "good" to you flat out means whatever makes you feel good is "good".
Have you been blessed with one but don't know how to properly treat this precious gift? Have you mishandled him and made him feel worthless so that you can feel better about yourself? Have you manipulated him in order to achieve your own goals? Is he a gem of a husband? Is he your best friend? Is he your mentor? Is he your local pastor? Is he your father or brother or son? Would you know this "good man" if you saw him? I write this heartbroken because I know that every one of these good men have a breaking point and watching them abused is painful. It's not or ever the kind of news that gets publicized. It occurs behind a shroud, a veil that many don't see. It's not on too many radars. There's little sensitivity around the idea of a man being abused. I fear that the word abuse is simply misunderstood. My spiritual mentor taught me a great lesson about that word. He said that "when the purpose of a thing is not understood, abuse is inevitable."
I think that says it all. Whomever that good man is in your life, if you can locate one, treat him well and with honor. He doesn't have to be perfect to command your respect. You offer that because of who offers him to you. Because of who allowed you by grace to have this goodness in your life at such a critical time. If we can't recognize a blessing, we'll mistreat it and potentially lose it. Like I said earlier, hurting people produce hurting people. These rare jewels hurt daily. They hurt in their workplaces. They hurt in their schools. They hurt in our churches. They hurt in the corporate boardrooms. They hurt when they lay down at night in the place that's supposed to be their safe haven. That doesn't sound "good" to me. How about you?
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