People come into your life under one of three conditions:
1. A reason
2. A season
3. A lifetime
Now you can go onto your average social media timeline and see stuff like that all the time. It's not even hip or fashionable anymore. It's not likely to be a T-shirt that many people will buy. It's the truth but it's not something many like to hear. Probably because people just don't like to be placed in categories. It's uncomfortable. It's unsettling. It perhaps even breeds contempt and makes people unhappy. That's not my truth. That's the truth.
In the days of the Tabernacle in the Bible, how do you think the people in the Outer Court felt when certain people were able to go into the Inner Court but they could not enter. Many of us know the reason why but it still didn't feel good I'm certain.
"Why do they get to go in but we can't?" was probably a question asked.
They even asked how a carpenter's son from Galilee was able to perform miracles and have fame attached to His name.
"What made him so much better than us?"
Hmm... The answer is a lot deeper than He is God's only Son. That very uncomfortable thing that we don't appreciate when it happens to us is something that we do to everyone. It's ok. You can read that sentence again. It wasn't a typo. Putting others into categories and prioritizing who is important and who is not is something we don't like being on the other end of but we do it. And we do it a lot.
Recently, I took a huge step of faith and put myself into a situation that I had not done in nearly a decade. It was a bit frightening when I sat down and thought about it. I didn't feel any semblance of comfort or ease. I saw about nine reasons to back out of this but I didn't for some reason. Throughout the arduous mental process, I asked myself why in blue blazes did I decide this. What was I thinking? Maybe I was trying to prove something to myself or maybe I wondered if God was still with me in that regard. Maybe I was just tired of being an outsider in so many places in my life and I sought the camaraderie and support that was sorely missing. Maybe I just wanted to be appreciated. Lots of maybe. Some accurate, some on the fence of what is real. Either way, it was important enough for me to share this very uncomfortable opportunity with my "friends".
There is a little history on social media of my use of the term "friends". It wasn't popular and it was the catalyst for some tense moments. Some people are upset and felt slighted by its use. To say they were uncomfortable was an understatement. There's that pesky word again. I used it to describe the people in our online experience that were there casually. They may have been a part of your life experience, whether it was high school, college organization, work, or church but they were never (for whatever reason) amenable to the idea of truly being your friend. See? No finger quotes. It's the authentic version.
In doing this, I realized that I was categorizing where people were in my life. At the time in my life when I did this, it was absolutely necessary in my mind. I needed to do some spring cleaning and gain perspective. I was going through some of the hardest things I ever had to walk through in nearly 47 years. Death, financial trouble, family drama, confusion, and utter helplessness. All that bad stuff into a horrid mixed drink that I had to turn up. I needed to know where my friends were. I stretched out my hand for them to help me out of these dark place I was in and that's when I got the shock of my life. They just didn't have time for me. I always give the benefit of the doubt at first. I thought it was because they were busy with their own troubles. That's understandable too. Life happens. You can't keep giving the benefit of the doubt to multiple offenders. After a while, you have to suck it up and read the signs. I was convinced that they didn't see me as valuable. To me, that's much different than having too many irons in the fire. I was burned. I was stung. I was snake bitten. My view on friendship changed radically. I even vowed never to post or tweet about friendship ever again. (Blogs don't count so I'm still good!)
The passage in John 15:13 really hit the spot when I needed to unpack all these feelings: "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." (NLT)
Jesus was showing us how to pattern our love for each other by how He loved us. It's simply pointing towards self sacrifice. Now that I'm older and a lot wiser, I realize that it's the only way friendship is legitimized. It's, in my humble opinion, the reason that those folks that stood in the Outer Court in the Old Testament were unable to enter into the Inner Court of the Tabernacle. They were not willing to make the sacrifice necessary. That hit me when I took that uncomfortable step that I was telling you about. I asked over 120 people locally that I actually knew personally, walked with through some hard times, had lunch and/or coffee with, prayed for when they were in trouble,been privy to their darkest hours and hidden secrets, offered phone support to in the wee hours of the morning, helped them build their ministries, mentored and coached them, sat at their dinner tables and broke bread with their families, ran errands with and for them, given them food from my cupboards, and cried and prayed with. I got two messages via text but not one of them was there. Not one. When it was all said and done, and my pity party was over, and I stopped questioning my worth and value for the hundred thousandth time, and wondering if I made a mistake with the invitation address or typed the wrong date or if my phone was accidentally turned off, the truth was clearly discernible in that moment. It wasn't about what I had done or had not done. What I was offering was not valuable to the person(s) I was offering it to. It was not on their list of priorities. It was not relevant. It didn't hold special meaning for them. It was clearly not something they wanted or needed.
Once I got out of the "woe is me" game, and took a step back, I realized an indisputable fact. This was not about me at all. It was more about where my "friends" were in their lives than what they thought about me. I know that my sacrifices for their sake were legitimate and I know what they cost me to do each and every one. I did that because they were my friends and they were worth it. To be transparent, I don't think I can look at those three options that I started this blog with and see many of them in the #3 position. I used to but to me, it would be contrived and forced honor on my part to place them there.
I grew up a lot in a very short span of time. I got an education that I will never forget. I won't lament over it and I'll probably never discuss it again with anyone. But I think about the times we are inspired and led to share with some of our "friends" the grace of Jesus Christ, an exciting revelation, or an invitation to a special event. We have to be prepared for the reality that just because it's important to you and sacrifice-worthy doesn't mean it is the same for them. We can't be angry with them and hold unforgiveness in our hearts towards them just because we felt "rejected". Three final things to remember for the road ahead:
1) Accept the Realization that Jesus was the ultimate reject (family, friends, and disciples) and He still had the capacity through the love of God to redeem an entire world from destruction.
2) Be grateful for the Revelation that not only shows you where you are in your walk but also where your "friends" are so you can make the necessary adjustments as needed.
3) Seize the opportunity to Rejoice because through these hurts, you discover that these things that mold you but they have less to do with you and more to do with Him.
Once I got out of the "woe is me" game, and took a step back, I realized an indisputable fact. This was not about me at all. It was more about where my "friends" were in their lives than what they thought about me. I know that my sacrifices for their sake were legitimate and I know what they cost me to do each and every one. I did that because they were my friends and they were worth it. To be transparent, I don't think I can look at those three options that I started this blog with and see many of them in the #3 position. I used to but to me, it would be contrived and forced honor on my part to place them there.
I grew up a lot in a very short span of time. I got an education that I will never forget. I won't lament over it and I'll probably never discuss it again with anyone. But I think about the times we are inspired and led to share with some of our "friends" the grace of Jesus Christ, an exciting revelation, or an invitation to a special event. We have to be prepared for the reality that just because it's important to you and sacrifice-worthy doesn't mean it is the same for them. We can't be angry with them and hold unforgiveness in our hearts towards them just because we felt "rejected". Three final things to remember for the road ahead:
1) Accept the Realization that Jesus was the ultimate reject (family, friends, and disciples) and He still had the capacity through the love of God to redeem an entire world from destruction.
2) Be grateful for the Revelation that not only shows you where you are in your walk but also where your "friends" are so you can make the necessary adjustments as needed.
3) Seize the opportunity to Rejoice because through these hurts, you discover that these things that mold you but they have less to do with you and more to do with Him.
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