Everybody makes mistakes. You might even know someone who has a "D.T.A." policy. (Don't Trust Anybody)
How important is it to you to be liked by everyone on your job?
How important is it to you to be liked by everyone on your job when you're in management?
Pick a place. Your office. Your church. Your small business. Your non-profit organization. As well as we know this to be gospel, it's amazing how we keep falling into the same bad habit. I did the same recently and now I pay a price. I still have the receipt to prove it. If you try to be friends with your employees, you will fail. A good friend reminded me recently of an old saying: "Familiarity breeds contempt."
This is basically defined to suggest "extensive knowledge of or close association with someone or something leads to a loss of respect for them or it." You know so much about a person through acquaintance that it limits your ability to see them objectively and you are unable to receive anything of value from them. You are closed off from the idea that they can either lead, influence, or encourage you and you might not even realize it.
I'm learning this the hard way! If any of you are undergoing a culture shift, you are going to find that your hands will be raw and you will shed blood breaking away at the fallow ground of old, ineffective foundations and models. You can take that shovel and pound away at that rock hard ground as hard as you can and you might make some progress. But it's not easy and it will cost you. Before you can build something solid and lasting, you have to rid yourself of the old, ineffective stuff that prevents and hinders new growth. And rest assured, people will loath you from coming in and trying to "mess up" their sweet arrangement. They will rail against you, demean you, oppose you publicly, attempt to undermine you privately, and perhaps they'll attempt to gain access to you.
You entertain at your house twice a month. Does this make leading the same people easier or harder?
You have 1,000 friends on Facebook. Does this augment or diminish your ability to lead some of these people if you needed to?
If you're relational like I am, the task is even harder. You want to entertain, go to the movies, and do fun things with your employees or people you lead in organization but once you cross that line, you find that something strange happens. They become accustomed to you. They know you by your first name. They know about your family situation. They know the condition of your home. They know your weaknesses. They know the spots that hurt and what happens when those spots are touched. Jesus taught us about transparency and what opening your heart up to others looks and feels like. There is a great cost to doing so. As a leader, it's one thing to be relational but it's another to bear it all outside of trusted circles. Those circles are usually replete with persons who specifically understand your specific struggle or are connected to you in a significant way.
What's the point of that? Let's use Jesus as an example and what better one can we find? He had hundreds of disciples that He taught and instructed on land and sea, in the brightest of days to the darkest of nights. He had many admirers, aficionados, and followers that left their homes and their families, and their chosen trades used to support their households. And still with all the crowds that followed him everywhere he went and that he fed with natural and spiritual food, he still only kept three disciples around him at nearly every turn: Peter, James, and John. I don't know why but it was clear this was his inner circle. He had a choice of hundreds and thousands but he only chose three to personally witness some of the greatest miracles ever done.
Leadership can be a lonely place especially when it's being done efficiently. If you have hundreds of friends, everyone is comfortable with the road you're leading them on, and they're all happy with you, you're doing leadership wrong. Regardless of what you're willing to accept, there are just some places as a leader you will never be able to go.
If you're relational like I am, the task is even harder. You want to entertain, go to the movies, and do fun things with your employees or people you lead in organization but once you cross that line, you find that something strange happens. They become accustomed to you. They know you by your first name. They know about your family situation. They know the condition of your home. They know your weaknesses. They know the spots that hurt and what happens when those spots are touched. Jesus taught us about transparency and what opening your heart up to others looks and feels like. There is a great cost to doing so. As a leader, it's one thing to be relational but it's another to bear it all outside of trusted circles. Those circles are usually replete with persons who specifically understand your specific struggle or are connected to you in a significant way.
What's the point of that? Let's use Jesus as an example and what better one can we find? He had hundreds of disciples that He taught and instructed on land and sea, in the brightest of days to the darkest of nights. He had many admirers, aficionados, and followers that left their homes and their families, and their chosen trades used to support their households. And still with all the crowds that followed him everywhere he went and that he fed with natural and spiritual food, he still only kept three disciples around him at nearly every turn: Peter, James, and John. I don't know why but it was clear this was his inner circle. He had a choice of hundreds and thousands but he only chose three to personally witness some of the greatest miracles ever done.
Leadership can be a lonely place especially when it's being done efficiently. If you have hundreds of friends, everyone is comfortable with the road you're leading them on, and they're all happy with you, you're doing leadership wrong. Regardless of what you're willing to accept, there are just some places as a leader you will never be able to go.
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