One of my favorite mottos is "Relationship Over Religion". I used it (and perhaps invented it) continuously during a weekly series on discipleship that I was teaching about four or five years ago. It stuck and I look at the world I live in through that lens. It's even the title of an earlier blog with more detail on where that idea comes from.
I look at my three beautiful grown daughters and the issues they struggle with in relationships in their quest to find a "good man".
I look at my niece who is about to be married and is finding it difficult to locate family that will support her on this incredible journey towards a new life with her soon to be husband. "Family" has become unreliable.
I look at some of my employees who are desirous to have more money and a better position but they are averse to the grind of being consistent and laying the groundwork for a fruitful career. They just appear to want something for nothing.
I look at so many friends and acquaintances that I have in ministry all around the country. Most of their complaints are identical. There are many needs that require immediate attention but no one wants to put the effort in. They all have too many outside "commitments" and it's just not priority for them to do anything for the Church. It does not appear to rank high on the priority list.
It all boils down to the same heart condition. An inability to commit.
Religion is a system of beliefs constructed by man for the benefit of men. God never required this and it rarely if ever meets His purposes or lines up with His ways. It is flawed because men use their own logic to justify it. Think about that passage in James 1:23-26 in this context. Religion allows man to do what they think is best and expect God to find it acceptable. That old saying "The path to hell is paved with good intentions" comes to mind. If you have a warped perception of things, every idea and concept that comes out of that is also warped by extension. If you don't change your mind, you really can't change your trajectory.
"For if a person just listens and doesn't obey, he is like a man looking at his face in a mirror; as soon as he walks away, he can't see himself anymore or remember what he looks like. But if anyone keeps looking steadily into God's law for free man, he will not only remember it but he will do what it says, and God will greatly bless him in everything he does. Anyone who says he is a Christian but doesn't control his sharp tongue is just fooling himself, and his religion isn't worth much."
If his/her lifestyle doesn't measure up to what he/she professes, their religion is worthless. I believe it translate the same in relationships. If a wife talks a good game with her girlfriends on a girls night out but disregards and neglects her duties at home, her profession is worthless to her husband.
People are obsessed with having options. It is safer to worship more than one God. It is safer to have multiple places to worship in the event that someone rubs you the wrong way or does something you don't like. It is safer to have a "side piece" in case your main squeeze missteps. It is safer to avoid commitment so you don't get hurt and retain all of your heart. It is safe but not realistic for long term personal and spiritual growth. In order for fruit to be produced, a seed has to "die" so that it can truly live.
Sad to say, commitment is the new dirty word. And from the looks of things, that sentiment is lining up with the deterioration of our moral fiber.
- More than 50% of marriages end in divorce in the U.S. and that number is climbing.
- More than 45% of employees in the workplace are not engaged with the company. 26% are actively working to remain disengaged from their companies.
- Recent statistics seem to indicate that 50% of Americans do not have a church home and less than 20% are actually attending church regularly. But more than 75% of people polled identify as Christians.
Although I am a self professed numbers guy, this is one time where that doesn't move the needle for me. I am more concerned with the reason why the commitment is so tenuous at best. We may ask more questions than we get answers but I wanted to use this piece to open up the avenue for discussion and perhaps accomplish some kind of breakthrough in this. Please use the comments section to ask your own questions or share your answers that others might gain positive perspective from it. If you choose to do neither, at least, consider this in your own personal situation wherever this applies.
I'd like to leave you with some questions to ponder:
1) When looking for a home church for you and your family, what factors do you take into consideration?
2) Ladies: In your mind, what is the definition of a "good man" and where does that belief come from?
3) Gents: In your mind, what is the definition of a "good woman" and where does that belief come from?
4) How do you describe "family"? Are they blood related, not blood related, or both?
5) What are the important factors that help you decide on whether you will commit to an organization or a relationship?
6) If you have a solid friend or friends in your life, how committed are you willing to be to sustain the relationship(s)? (Scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the minimal and 10 being the maximum commitment)
7) How do you view the place where you work? Do you find pleasure and fulfillment in hard work? Do you believe the company has undervalued you and your faithful service?
8) If you're in a serious romantic relationship, what are your expectations? Are the expectations equal between both you and your partner?
9) What area (s) are you having a challenge with commitment? Are you willing to help fix them or have you given up?
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