ThErE aLL tHE tIMe

I've told this story many times but it is still poignant today. 

I've been in some semblance of active ministry for nearly 20 years and a good friend sparked this again in me over lunch this afternoon. It made me a bit reflective about where I came from, where I am, and even what others like me might be dealing with right now. 

In my humble opinion, you can't have ministry without His Spirit, and you can't have His Spirit without a humble heart and a bonafide connection/relationship with God Almighty. Please allow me to share a very brief story with you on something I experienced in ministry that changed my view forever. I won't name persons associated with this experience or the specific ministry. Please don't ask me. Just appreciate this piece of my history and hopefully this encourages all of us to do better when we claim the name of the Lord in what we do. Okay. Here goes. 

I was working with a traveling praise team that consisted of about twelve members. It was exciting to travel to so many different places and meet people from all walks of life. Getting to minister in song was just a bonus. The director was very skilled, accomplished, and classically trained. He was a stickler for detail and aimed for perfection. It was an uneasy connection at first between him and I. A good friend of mines and a mentor in a sense held the position before him and I was pretty tight with him. When he was forced to leave the position, it hit me hard and I had a lot of questions. The only thing I was sure of was that I wanted to continue to sing and be a part of the ministry I was in. So I embraced the new leadership and I worked hard to get what he was trying to teach us. Like I said, he was very skilled and accomplished and he knew talent when he saw it. I looked up to him and wanted to learn at his feet, at least, some of what he had learned. As faithful and consistent as I tried to be, it seemed that he just couldn't see me. He seemed to look right through me until we were joking around during practices then he noticed me. Professionally, I was invisible. We sang with and behind some of the greatest names in gospel and secular music from Yolanda Adams to Mariah Carey and we were exposed to so much together. Really good times and really low moments but he still never saw me. The Lord spoke to me one night and told it was time to resign from the ministry team. I knew that meant I was leaving the church altogether but that was much later. I was awestruck and sad and unwilling to readily accept this. 

"Did I finish my task there, Lord?" were one of the questions I asked but eventually I obeyed. My heart was so heavy the next Worship rehearsal. I had the letter of resignation burning a hole in my pocket. I didn't want to reach in and give it to the director. In an unexpected surprise during practice, I was grudgingly asked to co-lead a solo on a song that featured two male leads, which I performed the following night. That would, in effect, be my final night on that platform singing and it was the epitome of bittersweet. I say grudgingly because the director tried to use anyone else he could but me. I still didn't get why this was a thing but it was clear enough that other people saw it too but would only admit it in very private quarters. Eventually, there was clearly no other viable option and the opportunity was given to me. It was a bone and I recognized it but I humbled myself and let the Lord have the reins. I sung that song like I've never sung any song ever. I didn't attempt to impress the director or make anyone notice me. I felt like I was showing God that I can do what He gifted me to do and the entire building erupted to such a level that the director had us sing the song for several more minutes after the song should have been done. We spent nearly 12-15 minutes on that same song and there didn't seem to be any sign of stopping whatever the Lord was doing in the house that night. I still remember the look on his face immediately after service when I sat down with the director after turning in my resignation papers. He didn't ask me to pray or reconsider my decision. His mouth was just open and he kept shaking his head. His famous last words after I thanked him for giving me an opportunity to serve with the team was: "I didn't know that was in you!"

He said that a few times while continuing to shake his head. That was one of the saddest moments of my life but not for the reason you might think. You can find it in parables. You can find it in popular movies. You can find it in historical biographies. Don't misuse or mishandle the valuable resources and treasures in your sphere of influence. They will not be there always. I didn't see myself as valuable at the time and I didn't even consider myself particularly talented. All I knew was that I was gifted with something bigger than me. It didn't make me bigger but IT was big. 

As a steward and a leader, it's going to be our reality at some point. We will have to give account for how we treated and invested what belongs to God. How do we want to be remembered? Did we have the appropriate heart for the necessary service? Were we humble and pliable before the Lord? Did we do all we could to provide the best "offering" possible? Or did we give what was convenient and didn't cost you anything? Cain tried that and look where that got him. Just sayin'.