gOInG ThRoUgH SoMeThInG?

Good morning, Blogosphere.

If I asked you if you ever went through something, you would probably quickly answer "Yes". Some may even add "a lot". There could even be a select that would add "too much". Ladies and gentlemen, those may be correct but I am posting this with the thought that we don't understand the term "going through" the way we have become familiar with using it. I intend to challenge that just a little. How do you go through something standing still and never changing or evolving. Repeating the same patterns over and over and thinking everything else will change but us? That sounds "crazy".

I got a hold of Psalms 18:2 today. It was my daily verse and it, like the Word normally does, took me to a place a lot different than how it is normally used in common Christian circles. First, let's read the verse but let me clear on one thing beforehand: It doesn't matter where you are in your life or faith or maturity level, this is for you. Promise.

"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."

I know quite a few that quote this verse for varied reasons. David, in this specific context, was hiding from someone he thought cared about and loved him. Someone he thought was a friend but in fact, because of jealousy, pride, and a refusal to obey God, he was a bitter and very dangerous enemy. Everywhere he went, he ran the risk of someone seeing him and reporting his whereabouts to the current King by the name of Saul. David was earmarked to take Saul's job by the way so that didn't help their relationship issues. When David says "my fortress, my deliverer", he's saying God is my protection from the people that want to kill him. My concern is that we trivialize what the Word of God is saying and reduce it to catchphrases. We not only nullify its ability to be powerful and effective in our own lives but also in the lives of the people who watch us because we have touted ourselves to be "believers". However, our lifestyles produce questions and doubt in the minds of those that don't believe. To me, that's a problem that I am daily concerned about.

When David says "my rock, my strength", he is speaking about the firmness of a relationship with the Creator and His immutability, or his steadfast, unchanging character. David has seen this character in close proximity. How? Because he has gone through trouble and had no other options.

Do you know anyone who has trouble but have taken no steps to get out of it because they enjoy drama? Or someone who routinely makes bad choices despite the warning signs? There are some that experience trouble simply because they endeavor to live their lives dedicated to the Lord. The book of Job in the Old Testament of the Bible is a great example of that if you want your mind blown.

(2 Timothy 3:12 KJV) "Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution."

That sounds like trouble to me! David actually could have avoided the hailstorm of drama on his life if he just declined to obey God's instructions and decide that being a sheepherder was better than obeying the Lord and becoming a king. Then everyone (except his family) would like him and he wouldn't have to run from town to town in fear of his life.

See, we can avoid trouble. Walking down a dark street at night is an invitation for trouble because it's inherently clear that this is unsafe and doing it could cause grave consequences. Marrying a spouse that is historically a cheater and a liar and has never departed from that lifestyle is inherent unwise also. We don't know real trouble until we decide to chase after our God-given purpose. Then you will find that all hell can literally break loose in your life. It's not permanent. It's not forever. But it is real. David was a great example of the truth that there is no retreat or safe haven from our purpose in life. When we are born to do a thing, it is literally inescapable, indisputable, and it's not going anywhere as long as you're still breathing. It is part of the essence of who we are and it SHOULD be something that we want to see fulfilled whether we face spiritual, financial, emotional, or physical troubles or not.

So before we tell everybody on Facebook about how much trouble we have in our lives, it could be good for us to consider some of the above. Somebody didn't post it or share it or tweet about it but they have troubles that we couldn't imagine. And isn't because they are bad parents, or make poor choices with their health, or even because they have unhealthy associations. It could just be that they're on a trajectory to walking into something greater than themselves and the fulfillment of their purpose in life.

Trouble can test our faith or reveal just how little we do have.


Thank you for reading. Please find more of my posts at: http://mirrortimewithmistayu.blogspot.com/

CoMfOrT KiLLs

#Comfortkills

Not popular.

Who doesn't love a nice, comfy recliner or getting under a nice warm blanket?

Perhaps you just don't like major change at all and things just the way they are without variation.

What would happen to the bed-ridden man that doesn't move every day for days, weeks, months? Many of us have seen that in person. I know I have.

What happens to a person that rejects "organized religion" and they can stay home and worship God all by themselves without purpose, functionality, or true yoke fellowship?

What happens to the "spiritual seeker" who retreats into the mountains to avoid any physical interaction in a quest to evolve spiritually?




The same thing that happens to the baby that never feels a mother and father's touch. Or a piece of fruit disconnected from its life-filled vine. What was once living, moving, and breathing will instantly cease to be vigorous and becomes disconnected.....slowly but surely, it expires.

I have really good friends that are comfortable never learning to type on a typewriter or a computer. I know some that are perfectly content with never having to speak publicly in a crowd. I even know a few that would not apply for promotions on their jobs. Staying where they are is enough for them. I can't imagine how these folks feel deep on the inside but I would have to imagine there is a nagging question once in a while: 'WHAT IF I......?" They may suppress it but it has to make a visitation in their minds here and there. We won't touch it in depth in this post but there is a direct and valid connection between comfort and faith.

Don't let your chapter end with you stubbornly sitting still in your comfort zone. Live out your moving, breathing, living purpose and be all you were designed to be, even if it costs you a hole, a nest, or a place to lay your head.

(Joshua 1:9; 2 Timothy 1:7; John 15:16; James 1:22; Mark 16:15; Matthew 16:24)

Comfort kills slowly. Our life is in our activity. This truly bears repeating. Live out your moving, breathing, living purpose and be all you were designed to be. 

OuT Of ThE BoX

Have you put it in "the box"? We're in the process of moving into a new home and every thing that matters and that we want to be representative of us in our new location has to go into...a box. It's unavoidable. If we want it to come with us, it's likely to go into a box. We do that often, don't we? We compartmentalize things and put them in segments, fragments, and partitions in our hearts and minds and we unpack them once we arrive at our new locations in life or sometimes we leave them packed and never re-engage.

Allow me to challenge "us" for a moment to consider this. Everything that we had with us at our previous location is not always what we need to have in our impending location. Sometimes we have to let some stuff go. A wise person once told me that the tools we used for one project may not be the tools needed for the next one. In that same regard, we have to often change our attire to meet the occasion we are in and we can't use the past methods to solve future issues. We have to let some stuff go.

So today, in the spirit of liberty that is in the Holy Spirit, and in the name of Jesus Christ, let's take the time to look at that "stuff" we boxed up and packed away that we just don't feel comfortable dealing with and with confidence, boldness, and a renewed desire to go forward in success and fruitfulness, let's individually and collectively LET THAT STUFF GO!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matt 11:28-30 NIV)

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." (I Peter 5:7 NLT)

tHe MeLTiNg PoT

"You like my curves but you despise me. You want the fullness of my lips but you don't think I'm beautiful. You try to mimic the hue of my skin but when I wear it, it sickens you. You gorge yourself on the foods of my culture but think of me as nothing but inferior......You hate and fear what you don't understand. But I will persevere because I am original."

This was a short poem that I wrote to encourage those who were mocked or vilified in certain circles because of their differences. There's a blatant hypocrisy in this that I thought highlighting would be educational and helpful. I am a self professed foodie, a former professional cook and culinarian, and I come from a family of world travelers. I say that last part with tongue firmly in cheek. My mother and my deceased grandmother loved to travel and they've always been that way. Their travels and the resulting experiences have molded my love for travel. I've always been a "people watcher" so getting to see people from other countries and various parts of our country are always enlightening.

I have really fond memories growing up in Brooklyn and having the annual Caribbean parade that would run the full length of Eastern Parkway. It was an annual event for my family since my maternal side hailed from the region. Being born and raised in New York City, which was already a melting pot of culture and heritage, plunged me into that mindset automatically. But that parade was almost a culmination. Eastern Parkway stretched far enough through the Borough that most every social and economical class was touched. From lower class to the very affluent. But at the parade, everyone was welcome and everyone enjoyed a culture that many onlookers knew nothing about. They enjoyed the dancing of scantily clad ladies (just sayin'), the pulsating, vibrant music of the islands that just had a way of instantly making you happy, the excitement in the air, the table that offered wares, creations, and often something innovative, if nothing else, a cool beverage to counteract a very warm day. There was something for everyone and everyone partook. This memory prompted the poem.

What a dichotomy or paradox if you will! How is it possible to love the dancing, the dramatic performance, the skillful artistry, the incredible vocal and instrumentals that prompted you to shake away your troubles and enjoy life on another level in that moment,  the bright, brilliant colors, the pomp and circumstance, the eye popping cultural nuances, the foods that carried the flavor of what some might consider paradise, but still hate the person who is responsible for the creation of and is daily the carriers of that culture.

This is just one example. Pick a culture. There are so many that can elicit these kinds of feelings. How can you or I hate with such a reckless abandon but casually eat the food of their region, wear the garb of their origin, daily utilize the inventions they invented, and dance to the music they penned and labored to offer to the world? Sounds ridiculous and hypocritical, doesn't it?

Just a thought for your Monday morning.

BiG rOCkS

BIG ROCKS

Just something to think about....

One day, an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget.

As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz" and he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouth Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him.

He also produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"
Everyone in the class yelled, "Yes."

The time management expert replied, "Really?"

He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

He then asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?"

By this time the class was on to him.

"Probably not," one of them answered.

"Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel.

Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"

"No!" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good."
.
Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked,
"What is the point of this illustration?"

One eager beaver raised his hand and said,
"The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!"

"No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point."

The truth this illustration teaches us is if you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all.

- What are the 'big rocks' in your life??? Time with your loved ones, your faith, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching, or complimenting others? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the 'big rocks' in my life? Then, put those in your jar first.

uNDeR ThE InFlUEnCe

Who are you influencing? Who can unduly influence you?

I don't think we realize how easily influenced we really are. Can you honestly say that sitting home late one night, watching TV, and a huge burger dripping with American cheese, jalapenos, Ketchup, and pickles didn't entice you and make you want to go grab one somewhere? Or you experienced the same urge after watching an ice cream commercial or perhaps even an ad for an ice cold beer if you're a beer drinker? We are susceptible to suggestions like these. We are influenced to vote a certain way. We are influenced to watch a particular TV program. Or subscribe to a certain podcast. You don't have to be a drinker and driver of a motor vehicle to be UNDER THE INFLUENCE.

Ever noticed how your volume instantly increases when the person you're talking to begins to speak louder and louder? Whether they have difficulty hearing you or perhaps they are approaching you in an aggressive tone?

How about when you converse with someone who lives in your hometown after you've long moved away and you pick up the "local accent" almost instantly?

Does your head bob and your feet tap when you hear music from your past that was significant at one time or another? It's funny how we catch ourselves and go "Wow, I didn't realize I was doing that."

Those are small examples of how easily we can be influenced by external and even internal stimuli.

Proverbs 4:23 reminds us to guard your hearts with all diligence. We can have foreign elements enter our hearts and not even notice that we've been invaded. 

I'm going to ask that set of questions again and add a third question for your consideration. Who are you influencing? Who can unduly influence you?

Do you consider yourself a leader?

If the people you lead don't look like you or can't testify of your influence and how it has changed them, your leadership AND your vertical relationship could be brought into question.

Be careful of chasing promotions, pulpits and positions. You might not be ready to influence people like you thought.

If the mainstream media, popular culture, and whatever's trending on the Internet affect and even creates an imbalance in how you think, act, and respond to those around you, there could be a problem there that needs to be addressed before you take your "leadership campaign" on the road. 

We are possessors of great potential, personal power, and influence. We have it in droves but it's imperative that we know how to use it. We have the power to be divisive, destructive, and deviant or we can be encouraging, re-builders, life-givers, supportive, and beacons of hope. The question is not if we have it but more how will we choose to use it. 

Remember that game we played when we were little when we would stand in the middle of the street and look up to the sky and point randomly? Coming from a big city, it worked really well then. LOL. Before long, there would be a small crowd standing around you saying "Yeah, I see it." I'm laughing because I didn't see anything to start with. I just wanted to have fun with my little "social experiment". See what I mean? Guess what? It actually still works today.

OuT Of SiGhT, OuT Of MInD?

Question. If a person leaves your local church, are they still a part of the Church?

"All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals, and to prayer. A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity, all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved." (Acts 2:42-47)

This is about a unity and a togetherness that transcends the building we happen to be in. This is family and community outside of and beyond the "temple". It's bigger than buildings and more important than a campus and an annex. It's supposed to be about Christ. 

One body. One faith. One God. We have heard it preached and we have it in written but still we're VERY comfortable cutting people out of our lives because they no longer attend the "New Community Faith Hope Love Denominational Non Denominational Fellowship Church". 

"If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?" (I Corinthians 12:15)

Honestly, we are supposed to be "ambassadors" but should be ashamed of ourselves. Do you feel personally betrayed or slighted when someone changes churches? We hinder people from coming to Christ. We take something that we have been blessed with, not at all deserving of and use the privilege against others to sustain our clubs, groups, and cliques and we hurt people. We break hearts. We damage relationships. And most of all, and this is not based on which pew you occupy or how much tithe and offering you provide every week, we displease the God we say we love and honor. It's logic-defying and borderline cultish in nature. It's "Mean Girls" the Religious Version and it's really an ugly look! 

People are going to leave ministries for any number of reasons whether it be their military commitments, their job assignments, or maybe the ministry just doesn't care about things that matter to many people today. Maybe they don't emphasize ministries that speak to their current family dynamic like youth and children' ministries, or maybe that church doesn't care to resemble what the community at large looks like culturally, or maybe the ministry has gotten so large that the primary purpose has gotten lost over the years and parishioners are in need of something less watered down. Either way, this happens. Our responsibility is to show those that don't know Christ what Christ looks like. This is assuming that we even know what Christ looks like. 

It's mirror time, Christian believers. We have to really do better. It's not about us. Where is God located in our divisiveness and cliquish behavior? Can we please embrace relationship with the Father and emphasize that as priority? I believe that if we do, there's no way we'd feel good about treating our brothers and sisters with contempt. We would tap into God's heart and realize how much He loves and has done for ALL of us. I know you have a mirror. Now remember that you have a friend. You might not like the way you look but you have the opportunity to change the view. 

Thanks for listening.

wE, ThE hUMaNs

I'm now part of a community of authors and publishers who love to write and love the literary world. They love the idea of a hard or softcover book in their hands more than a tablet or laptop. They respect what it takes to put out the kind of content that we do. They fully understand the cost to do what they do and to put their hearts on paper for the world to see. That may not be as critical for a fictional writer but they still work a great deal to make their work relevant and to offer quality for those that love the written word like we do.

As some of you know, I published my first book through Tate Publishing called "The Heart of A Stepfather". It was one of the most fulfilling and the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I wrote the book not to be known as a best selling author or to be rich. First and foremost, it was therapeutic. I felt like I was literally set free when I put the period on the last sentence in the book. I removed the huge load of bricks that was on my shoulders. The guilt. The shame. The anger. The wisdom. The humbling set of events that spanned more than twenty years. I laid my heart out onto 194 pages and it felt incredible. But along with the therapy that I personally received as well as some members of my family, I also wrote the book to start a dialogue and to be a support for members of the blended family and step-families alike. I was hopeful that people would look at the struggles that I shared and it would encourage them that although it felt like that most of the time, they were not alone. Many people around us have similar struggles. Many of us have some really good situations in step-parenting and may not even be able to relate to the kind of drama that I described in the book. They may think I'm some strange anomaly that rarely happens. I'm not and it does happen. Often. A friend of mines, who in my mind, is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, ran into a situation  that broke her heart and broke mines hearing about it from her. I asked her permission to share it today with you. Just an example of what happens every day in our world. Even if you don't read my book or the books to follow, maybe just maybe it might expand your thinking and open your heart to others even if you don't think you can relate to them. Try to, at least, listen to and understand them. Another friend of mines loves to tell me that she trusts her cats more than she trusts humans because they hurt people. This is a great example of why I maintain an alternative viewpoint than hers.

"Yesterday, I saw a step-parent be cold to her stepson, she practically ignored him and ordered him to sit  down to the side alone. I was appalled as he cried and wanted to talk to his mom. When I sat next to him, he asked me through tears for me to ask his stepmom if he could call his mom. I asked but I knew the answer. She, of course, refused with an eye roll and then started fussing at him. She completely ignored him but treated her own son like gold. I tried reading to him but he was silent. I even snapped at her when she went to fuss at him when my son took a book they were sharing, correcting her.

This made me think of my own stepmom and how she never was like this woman. I thought of Yusef Marshall, a man who writes about the struggles of being a stepfather but is an amazing loving dad. Being a step-parent isn't easy, I know I was a handful to my own stepmom and we both had our moments of anger, fighting, and immaturity but you can't shun a child because he is your partner's child. You just can't. Next week, I'll have a special bag to give him. He may not feel love from his stepmom but he can feel the love from us." 

What my friend is doing touched me more than words can express. We don't have to be psychologists and we don't have to be expert analyzers of anyone. I shared my story and it inspired my friend. It connected us when we first met because she was able to relate specifically to what I was writing about. And it made her feel empowered to act and do something rather than just talk or think about doing something. I have a greater respect for my friend and I am excited that my small story helps anyone.

Let me close with this: I don't have a lot of friends although I am very friendly with a lot of people throughout the country in some parts of the world. I urge everyone that's listening to really step back and look at our responsibility as human beings. Not our jobs or our circle of friends or family values but just simple, common decency. When we see a wrong, it's been way easy for us to quiet about it. That can no longer be the standard.

Forget my book. Even if you never share it or even read it, please be open to the idea of doing everything you can to support the things that matter and use your sphere of influence to shine a light where darkness may be. Stepfamilies and blended families are issues that are underserved and that's only one. We live in a world with many more. Let's do our part. Shine a light! Great first step to being the best human beings we can be.

sHOuT It OuT

I don't know how they describe themselves but there's a group of persons who feel that praise, prayers, and worship don't require any exclamation, sounds or physical gesture. It should be done silently. They just "think about it in their hearts".


I even know people who pray but their lips don't move. From what I gather, they're imagining what they want to say but stop short of saying the words. Romans 10:9-10 reminds us that our words make are integral to confession and thus salvation. Romans 12:37 also supports the use of the spoken word.




For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

So it's clear that words have more value than just in conversations.

To quote a friend, "When we grasp the majesty of God, the mercy of the Savior, and the meaning of our salvation, we will be more inclined to respond with physical expressions of worship."

These physical expressions by themselves are not evidence of an authentic relationship with God and there also are many who love God but are less expressive but as biblical figures like David and others have taught us, these expressions should serve as fruits from that authentic relationship......When one taps into the overflowing well of His love, it no longer matter what man thinks or how we look and an undignified praise is released.

(Psalms 108:1; I Corinthians 6:20; Psalms 150:3-4)

Just an early morning thought I wanted to share with my friends. A lifted hand. A "Thank you, Lord". A bowed knee. A momentary dance. Tears of gratitude flowing down our cheeks. A piece of a hymn drenched in joy and softly sung. Not even close to what He deserves from us but it's a start. We owe way more than we can repay. Jesus spoke to the wind and the waves and to the trees and mountains. No, he wasn't cuckoo but He was exhibiting a power He says you have access to,




It's high time we start putting to better use the greatest weapon known to mankind! Start talking! Have a blessed day!

UnDeR COnSTrUcTIoN

As some of my readers know, I have been sick in bed theoretically for a while. Theoretically because I've been in my recliner in the Man Cave. but sick nonetheless. It's where I ate, slept, and cried for nearly two weeks. My doctor said I had acute bronchitis and pharyngitis. I'll leave it up to you to look them up and see what fresh hell I've been in for what seemed like an eternity. I can't run my business. I can't make my scheduled meetings with potential partners, clients, or friends. I can't do anything around the house. I can't go to work. I can't sleep. I can't talk or sing. And worse I think, I can hardly breathe. I don't think fresh hell was too much of an exaggeration. It hasn't been fun in the Man Cave and that is always normally fun.

A friend of mines that I have known since 4th grade was sick almost simultaneously and in our commiserating with each other a few days ago, we came to a shared enlightenment. Times where you are at your lowest are when you discover who is really with you in life. You know? Who your friends truly are. If you wonder why I find this topic so necessary to discuss, I'd love for you to read my two part installment on MTWM entitled "Friends". It will give you a little background into my history and why this topic is so vital not just to me but to us. He was pretty upset about his physical condition and he happened across some of my posts at the time. I am not a whiny person when I get sick nor do I require constant attention and care. I do, however, think way more than I should. Some thoughts good, some not so good. I've been out of work and away from much human interaction for nearly two weeks and it makes you feel quarantined. I guess in my specific case, I was that. I was contagious for a week and no one needed to be exposed to what I had going on. That was understandable to me if people knew what I was dealing with. I didn't post about my medical condition nor did I talk to a lot of people about my situation. I'm not big on posting onto social media every meal, every location I go to, or everything that goes right or wrong in my life. The only people that knew were my wife, my mother, and a few friends that either saw me sick or texted me to check on me and I shared it with them. That's normally how it is, right?

Or not. Sitting like a lukewarm pile of humanity for hour after hour is a lot of time to start thinking about and evaluating your life. There are times on the one or two days that I was actually able to sleep more than 2 hours that I thought I was going to die in my sleep. I would jump, choking and struggling to breathe and turn and look at my wife who is sleeping so calm and comfortable and I realize instantly how much of a gift it is to rest well and sleep at peace during the night. It should not be taken for granted. I brooded and wondered what happened to all the people whose lives I sowed into, and to whose troubles I would listen to for hours at a time, or the people who knew me personally as a minister or as a life coach, or just the people that I gave the shirt off my back to. When I inevitably see them at work or in some other setting, they'll be the first to say something like:

"Hey! I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Where you been at? On vacation?"

"Why haven't you called me?"

I dread going back to work just so I don't have to hear that. Why? It's annoying only because our view of friendship is often selfish and self-serving. I can think of a handful of people right now. I'm helpful to these types only as long as I listen to them cry and whine about their hard lives and how much they hate their jobs. I have to also pretend to not be their good friends when they're in the company of more important people. I'm also supposed to tell them when I'm sick even if we don't normally talk more than a couple times a month or they will be annoyed with me. I'm also obligated to come and find them in order to stay engaged. Well, my legs are tired and honestly, it's a travesty that it took me this long to see some of these people for what they truly are. They're takers. They are incapable of giving unless there's a possibility of a sizable return. I haven't been close to being at my best but I grew up during this "down" time. 

I'm not blogging today so you can hear me complain about so called friends. My life long buddy said "I didn't realize how many friends I had till I got sick last week." 

That's such a strange statement by itself except it's true. Painfully true. I got a lot of friends and acquaintances that wouldn't know what I was dealing with so no shade being cast on them. I can't blame them for not being present during one of the worst spells of my life in recent times. It's the ones that know me more intimately -- the ones that I am still giving to. That's harder to understand.

The one thing I want from doing this blog is to be honest and transparent while still dealing with issues that matter to other people. I wanted to put a light on those things and still do something I love more than most anything: write. I was a little depressed because I rehearsed all the glowing remarks, glad tidings, adulations, and every other flowery word I heard and now I question it. I question all of them. I question every single word. I thank the Lord for my beautiful wife, who has proven herself to be my best friend. She didn't talk about it though. She showed it with her lifestyle and with her actions without any expectation of return. She is a shining example of what a friend is supposed to look like. I'm grateful for her. 

My friend's assessment was spot on though. You don't know what you have in a friend until you face the worst times. I still endeavor to be the best friend that I can be to whomever wants that kind of support. I just have to realize that everybody doesn't want what I have or know what to do with it when they have access to it. 

Life's challenges will illuminate what is genuine and what is less than authentic in our lives. Actually, it's good to be grateful for these bad times too so we can be "enlightened". Would you know that a housing development has been poorly constructed if it wasn't for the storm that exposed it? My good friend was right. In a day or two, I'll be grateful that he was right. At this moment, I wish he was wrong. If you are one of those folks that are genuine friends to another person, then keep giving, sharing, and supporting. Even if it is not reciprocated, you're still doing it right and you'll be blessed as a result. If you're the other type that just sees "friends" as commodities, or you are so broken that you'd sooner hurt someone before they inevitably hurt you, you're in the wrong head space too.

Despite my brooding, I am still committed to being the kind of friend to others that I would want for myself. I just see circumstances and certain people in a different light. I'll be gregarious and accommodating like always but deep down, I will know that everyone that smiles in my face and calls me friend doesn't see me as vital and important and worthy of the effort necessary to build a friendship. This little mini storm in my life has exposed some areas in me that are poorly constructed and I'm committed to the rebuilding process. That's my takeaway. What's yours? Thanks for listening. Sincerely. Thank you.

fRIeNDs - pArT 2

For me, friendship is one of the biggest and most common subjects that I post, tweet, and blog about it. Some might call it an obsession but I wouldn't go that far. Being an published author, I probably should write a book about it. (It's gonna happen!) I find its subtle threads throughout every significant area of my life for nearly a half a century. I saw in my struggles growing up in the inner city. I saw it played out in the television programs and the movies I loved to watch. I saw it in my personal circles back then and even in my professional circles now. It's even in the Bible that I love to read and believe in so much. It is the inescapable and unavoidable fact. The specter of friendship looms large everywhere and for reasons I am not sure of myself, it is a hugely important area for me. I hold it in extremely high regard and it's not because I was the best friend in the world. (To be totally candid, many of my old friends from the old neighborhood and through high school might say that I was the best example of a friend they ever knew. Many of them are still connected with me now and seem to appreciate my contribution to their lives even after 20 years)

In my opinion, I think I could have been much better. I don't have any specific regrets that jump out and scream, "Dude, you screwed up!" I learned something powerful just in thinking about this second installment of this blog. I think I learned what drives me to be the best friend I can be. In today's times, friendship seems to slowly fade far into the background of the big picture of life. People fight over the opposite sex, have blowouts based on a misinterpreted text, or just take each other for granted and find themselves alone and missing what is now lost. One of the greatest sitcoms of all time was about "Friends" and it was wildly popular in the 90's. I don't know if it accurately reflected the situations we all went through but it had all the right stuff to remind us of the challenges of friendship and what happens to us in every day life. Just with a comedic twist. I bet we have stories that are even more entertaining. I know I do.

Loyalty was a big deal in my upbringing. I was the son of a single mother and career woman from the US Virgin Islands. I would venture to say that culturally, she was taught loyalty and respect as this seemed to be a code that was prevalent where she was from. Being born and raised in a place like New York City had a similar code and it was sternly upheld. Being disloyal and untrustworthy was practically and literally a death sentence where I came from. I don't know if these two instances alone were the sole reason I feel like I do about the subject but I'm sure it played a major role.

I had two sets of roommates twice in my life back in my hometown. In one of those scenarios, my two friends, both with paying jobs, declined helping or contributing to the household needs like rent, lights, or food and it would be problematic on the rare occasion that they did so. They had really nice clothes and tennis shoes though and took their girlfriends out very often. We were in a very townhouse in an area of New York City that shall remain unnamed and I made sure all the bills were paid for nearly two years. I cooked all the meals when there were meals to be cooked. I stopped short of doing laundry and only cleaning common areas, leaving the rooms to my roommates. We all dropped the ball on the landscaping responsibilities. We, for the most part, were individuals trying to live together in one house. My failings in this example are primarily because I saw or interpreted friendship when this was no more than a business arrangement. Early in that relationship, I thought I was being a friend by continuing to maintain the dynamic as is since my changing things would dramatically affect their lives. LOL. It's funny now but back then it was a struggle. Most of you reading this probably think I was a fool and you would run those free-loading bums out on the next thing smoking! I eventually did that with some really entertaining, high energy, and full blown dramatic results! Just like a sitcom, huh? I thought being a friend meant staying in that bad situation. It was revealed in crystal clarity that this was no more than a business relationship when I decided that I refused to continue the arrangement and withheld all of my financial support and move out of the townhouse. I was attacked, lambasted, intimidated, threatened, and perhaps even bullied but to my credit, I stood my ground and exited a bad situation in an attempt to get my life and individuality back.

(On an unrelated note, I re-entered that same situation in a different city, exhibiting some of the same short sighted behavior that got me into that mess back then. I am free from those unhealthy attachments and have fully learned my lessons. Yay!)

Honestly, can you really be a best friend if you are incapable of telling your best friend the truth no matter what the reaction is?

I was completely surprised how my "friends" responded when I told them I would no longer be their "Sugar Daddy" and primary means of financial and moral support. They were mean, hateful, vile, and selfish. Did they just become that way in an instant or were they always like that and I was oblivious?

Can you really be a best friend to anyone if the terms of your relationship is more important than the individual needs and well being of the friend?

The best friends don't steal from you. They don't forget your birthday. They don't try to steal your boyfriend or girlfriend because they respect the boundaries and they care about your welfare. They don't watch you destroy yourself so they can profit from it. They don't say they care about and love you but make excuses for wanting to spend time with you. They love you as much as they love themselves just like Jonathan loved David (See Friends Part 1). You might have that person in your life right now. Or you might have a counterfeit like I did and many of us have. This topic has so many layers but let me leave you with this small evaluation tool from I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV) that I love to use for perspective. Hope it hits the spot.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails........."

FrIEnDs - PaRt 1

On your way to achieving something significant in this life, you will encounter stumbling blocks, trials, and other assorted twists and turns that end up becoming climaxes in novel or a story that elicits "Oohs and Aahs" from your party guests. But putting your heart into the hands of another is not cool. It takes trust and faith and at any moment under the right circumstances, it could turn ugly and fast!

Even the most religious and pious of you would not consider this but so much because of the massive amount of discomfort it would cause but have you considered the greatest friend in history? It's not Jonathan, who was a friend to soon to be King David and was a shining example of what friendship and brotherhood looks like in its purest form. He sacrificed his relationship with his father, Saul, who hated David and deemed him a threat to his kingdom, even to the point that he ordered the deaths of innocent men just because he thought they betrayed and conspired against him and his throne. Jonathan also sacrificed his opportunity to be king someday all in one fell swoop. He loved David like a brother and he risked his own life for his friend. The Bible talks about Jesus being the ultimate friend in that he gave up everything, most notably, his life. This incredible sacrifice transferred us from the realm of servant into friendship. Here's a twist for you. Would you give your life and heart in friendship knowing full well that the receivers of said gift will betray you and turn against you?

Social media has become a great example of the need for a "redefining" of friendship. Some of my friends post about how physically sick they are, a disease that they daily battle with, what their toddlers said, and every meal they consume in a day. And sometimes they may even show you their body parts in an attempt to get attention for themselves. Social media is a very weird place to be honest but it exposes many truths in this area. In the online world, the people that comment on our pages, share pictures with us, and join us in various groups are described as "friends".

One of the enemy's biggest weapons is the ability to hide in plain sight. While you evaluate self and surroundings, don't only look for people that create 'drama' or the ones that your confidants don't like to be around. This may sound blasphemous to you but look at those trusted confidants that run to your aid and who you tell your deepest, darkest secrets to, advise you on how to deal with your spouse, and are the first to say "I'm here for you, hon" and bring you fresh baked goods when you post on Facebook how horrible your life is. Maybe they're not who they say they are. I find it impossible to have friendship without sacrifice.



Real friends encourage you. Real friends tell you the truth. Real friends step back and step up when you need either. Real friends help you be a better you not the you that you selfishly wants to be sometimes. Real friends don't feed your addiction. They try to help you get free of it. Real friends don't buy you carbs when you're on a diet. They will get a salad instead. Real friends know that they have your heart, your secrets, your weaknesses within reach. Real friends refuse to take advantage of that access. Be vigilant, watchful, and alert. Especially in these times....(I John 4:1)

Just a few hours scrolling through my timeline reminds me that many of us don't understand the concept of friendship and thus, we fall victim to the same woes that we post and tweet about. Not understanding the purpose of a thing is the precursor to abusing said thing. If you don't know the full meaning of a friend and understand how it looks in application, you're more than likely to not appreciate it and likely to abuse it. This life can get hard and the road through it gets long and bumpy. It gets a little easier walking with someone genuine and authentic. If you have one of these, be grateful, thankful, and appreciative. They are rarer than you might think.

tHErE CAn ONlY Be OnE

It's a beautiful situation when two becomes one.

Marriage is one of the most sacred institutions in our society.

"And the two shall become one flesh; So they are no longer two but one flesh." (Mark 10:8)

Even the concept is not lost in our favorite pastime of sports. Thirteen in football, five in basketball, and nine in baseball. All starters, with individual qualities and specific skill sets working together, unified for one common goal: To win a championship in a team sport. All these participants must become one to be successful. I'm sure you can apply this to the business world in corporations, sales teams, and perhaps, if you're so bold, even in political realms as well.

Even men that had an absolutely ridiculous plan were nearly able to achieve it because they adopted teamwork, single focus, and one vision.

"And they said one to another, Go to, let us make brick, and burn them thoroughly. And they had brick for stone., and slime they had for mortar. And they said, Go to, let us build us a city and a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven; and let us make a name, lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the whole earth." (Genesis 11:3-4)

A daring venture to become relevant and make a lasting impression for generations to come. A plot to sustain history and legacy and perhaps be famous among men. "Let us" was the rallying cry. Not me and not I but us.

Some of the most beautiful hues the world has ever seen is only possible because two became one. Like so:

Red and Blue = Purple
Yellow and Red = Orange
Red and Green = Brown
Black and White = Gray
Red and White = Pink
and lastly, Blue and Yellow = Green

I'm almost certain that most of you, if not all of you, love these colors but let's just say for argument's sake that you (gasp- Heaven forbid) hate the color "green". Does this mean you also hate blue and yellow too? They are not diluted in any way nor is their individual brilliance diminished --they just have touched in such a magnificent way that their blend has forged one of the most beautiful colors of the color spectrum. It speaks to the color's versatility and it's ability to be multi dimensional and fertile in a sense. Can you imagine a world without blue, yellow, or green in it? How would it look? What kind of emotions would be emitted? It's something we don't consider because we've never had to. The culture associated with the color green, just as one example, has been documented for centuries and is so ingrained in the fabric of many countries and nations. Who can watch the onset of spring and see brown leaves instead of green and have the same excitement about spring and soon, summer? We benefit from this color and the emotion that comes with it. It's just a small colorful example of what happens when you put two awesome colors together. Beautiful, vibrant, and brilliant! Who could hate that?

Perhaps one day we can see the same value in people who don't like us but contribute something incredible to our lives and to our nation as a whole. There are plenty of examples but it's painfully obvious that when we work together as one, we can accomplish the impossible. That's always possible.