wE, ThE hUMaNs

I'm now part of a community of authors and publishers who love to write and love the literary world. They love the idea of a hard or softcover book in their hands more than a tablet or laptop. They respect what it takes to put out the kind of content that we do. They fully understand the cost to do what they do and to put their hearts on paper for the world to see. That may not be as critical for a fictional writer but they still work a great deal to make their work relevant and to offer quality for those that love the written word like we do.

As some of you know, I published my first book through Tate Publishing called "The Heart of A Stepfather". It was one of the most fulfilling and the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I wrote the book not to be known as a best selling author or to be rich. First and foremost, it was therapeutic. I felt like I was literally set free when I put the period on the last sentence in the book. I removed the huge load of bricks that was on my shoulders. The guilt. The shame. The anger. The wisdom. The humbling set of events that spanned more than twenty years. I laid my heart out onto 194 pages and it felt incredible. But along with the therapy that I personally received as well as some members of my family, I also wrote the book to start a dialogue and to be a support for members of the blended family and step-families alike. I was hopeful that people would look at the struggles that I shared and it would encourage them that although it felt like that most of the time, they were not alone. Many people around us have similar struggles. Many of us have some really good situations in step-parenting and may not even be able to relate to the kind of drama that I described in the book. They may think I'm some strange anomaly that rarely happens. I'm not and it does happen. Often. A friend of mines, who in my mind, is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, ran into a situation  that broke her heart and broke mines hearing about it from her. I asked her permission to share it today with you. Just an example of what happens every day in our world. Even if you don't read my book or the books to follow, maybe just maybe it might expand your thinking and open your heart to others even if you don't think you can relate to them. Try to, at least, listen to and understand them. Another friend of mines loves to tell me that she trusts her cats more than she trusts humans because they hurt people. This is a great example of why I maintain an alternative viewpoint than hers.

"Yesterday, I saw a step-parent be cold to her stepson, she practically ignored him and ordered him to sit  down to the side alone. I was appalled as he cried and wanted to talk to his mom. When I sat next to him, he asked me through tears for me to ask his stepmom if he could call his mom. I asked but I knew the answer. She, of course, refused with an eye roll and then started fussing at him. She completely ignored him but treated her own son like gold. I tried reading to him but he was silent. I even snapped at her when she went to fuss at him when my son took a book they were sharing, correcting her.

This made me think of my own stepmom and how she never was like this woman. I thought of Yusef Marshall, a man who writes about the struggles of being a stepfather but is an amazing loving dad. Being a step-parent isn't easy, I know I was a handful to my own stepmom and we both had our moments of anger, fighting, and immaturity but you can't shun a child because he is your partner's child. You just can't. Next week, I'll have a special bag to give him. He may not feel love from his stepmom but he can feel the love from us." 

What my friend is doing touched me more than words can express. We don't have to be psychologists and we don't have to be expert analyzers of anyone. I shared my story and it inspired my friend. It connected us when we first met because she was able to relate specifically to what I was writing about. And it made her feel empowered to act and do something rather than just talk or think about doing something. I have a greater respect for my friend and I am excited that my small story helps anyone.

Let me close with this: I don't have a lot of friends although I am very friendly with a lot of people throughout the country in some parts of the world. I urge everyone that's listening to really step back and look at our responsibility as human beings. Not our jobs or our circle of friends or family values but just simple, common decency. When we see a wrong, it's been way easy for us to quiet about it. That can no longer be the standard.

Forget my book. Even if you never share it or even read it, please be open to the idea of doing everything you can to support the things that matter and use your sphere of influence to shine a light where darkness may be. Stepfamilies and blended families are issues that are underserved and that's only one. We live in a world with many more. Let's do our part. Shine a light! Great first step to being the best human beings we can be.